Circumcision Jewish Conspiracy Theory
Posted on Wednesday August 9, 2006 at 5:50pm.
At my nephew's bris a couple of weeks ago, my son asked me to hold him up so he could see what the doctor/mohel was doing. I tried to explain. "Why do they cut his penis?" my son asked. It was a good question. I wasn't going to get into the whole covenant with God thing, especially given my religious views. My son was circumcised, but did not have a bris. I kept my answer appropriate for a four-year-old: "Because it helps to keep the baby healthy." I don't know if it's true, and male circumcision does have some passionate opponents. But according to the headline in today's Independent Online (via Drudge), "Male circumcision 'lowers risk of HIV infection by 60%'." We'll see whether this increases the procedure's popularity, and whether the study stands up to scrutiny.
In any case, some will continue to oppose male circumcision. One of the arguments I've heard is that it decreases sensitivity and sexual enjoyment for the man. If this is at all true, I have trouble believing that there is a major difference. As a circumcised man myself, I can't imagine sex being much more enjoyable than it already is. But if it is true, it leads me to a conspiracy theory, which I had fun making up today after reading the Independent Online piece and Michael Medved's column, "Why the world hates the Jews," (whatever you might make of it), in succession.
Some people argue that the Jews have a genetic intelligence advantage, which accounts for their disproportionate representation in medicine and law and their achievements in business. Some argue that they have a culture shaped by history that emphasizes success and education, which accounts for their disproportionate representation in medicine and law and their achievements in business. And of course, there are all sorts of sinister conspiracy theories that try to account for their disproportionate representation in medicine and law and their achievements in business.
I would like to propose the Circumcision Jewish Conspiracy Theory to account for their disproportionate representation in medicine and law and their achievements in business. It's simple, really. Circumcision leads to decreased enjoyment of sex, though not decreased enough to prevent the propagation of the genetic lines of those circumcised. But it does decrease sexual pleasure just enough to allow men to focus on something other than getting laid, at least part of the time. Its effect is probably most pronounced in the hormone-saturated teen years, which explains why Jews excel in school in comparison to their circumcision-deprived peers, and why so many end up going to medical school. Achievement during these years has lifelong ramifications. Over the generations this slight edge in ability to think of something other than sex has been the cause of the Jewish cultural valuing of education and the achievements of the Jews as a people, a slow, cumulative consequence of thousands of years of cut penises and slightly decreased sexual pleasure.
If the theory is correct, then we should see increased rates of achievement from nations and ethnic groups that reflects their percentage of circumcised men and the percentage of male circumcision for past generations.
One objection could be that male circumcision leaves out half the population--women. But it doesn't. For one, less voracious sexual appetites among men would also leave women with more time and energy to focus on concerns other than sex. Also, to the extent that patriarchal societies were guided in intellectual and economic achievement by men, because women were excluded from these activities, we would expect male circumcision to have a disproportionate overall impact on the group's achievement levels as a whole. Even in societies where women are no longer excluded, the cultural pattern would have been established long ago, when women were excluded. Thus, we see that the effects of male circumcision reaches down through the centuries. This poses challenges for other groups, who might wish to emulate the Jewish success that was caused by male circumcision. Even if these groups begin to approach the near 100% circumcision rate of Jews, it would be many generations before the groups reaped the circumcision windfall.
If you think it's a stupid theory, you're right. I don't know that it's much stupider than some of the stuff people say on the subject. Anyway, if you'd like to add to the silliness, feel free to post a comment to rebut or support the Circumcision Jewish Conspiracy Theory.
(Note: Whether this attempt at humor is in good taste or not, and whether there is anything funny here or not, is for the reader to determine, but I won't provide a forum for bigotry, and will remove comments as needed. I don't want real conspiracy theories. Just the mock ones.)
In any case, some will continue to oppose male circumcision. One of the arguments I've heard is that it decreases sensitivity and sexual enjoyment for the man. If this is at all true, I have trouble believing that there is a major difference. As a circumcised man myself, I can't imagine sex being much more enjoyable than it already is. But if it is true, it leads me to a conspiracy theory, which I had fun making up today after reading the Independent Online piece and Michael Medved's column, "Why the world hates the Jews," (whatever you might make of it), in succession.
Some people argue that the Jews have a genetic intelligence advantage, which accounts for their disproportionate representation in medicine and law and their achievements in business. Some argue that they have a culture shaped by history that emphasizes success and education, which accounts for their disproportionate representation in medicine and law and their achievements in business. And of course, there are all sorts of sinister conspiracy theories that try to account for their disproportionate representation in medicine and law and their achievements in business.
I would like to propose the Circumcision Jewish Conspiracy Theory to account for their disproportionate representation in medicine and law and their achievements in business. It's simple, really. Circumcision leads to decreased enjoyment of sex, though not decreased enough to prevent the propagation of the genetic lines of those circumcised. But it does decrease sexual pleasure just enough to allow men to focus on something other than getting laid, at least part of the time. Its effect is probably most pronounced in the hormone-saturated teen years, which explains why Jews excel in school in comparison to their circumcision-deprived peers, and why so many end up going to medical school. Achievement during these years has lifelong ramifications. Over the generations this slight edge in ability to think of something other than sex has been the cause of the Jewish cultural valuing of education and the achievements of the Jews as a people, a slow, cumulative consequence of thousands of years of cut penises and slightly decreased sexual pleasure.
If the theory is correct, then we should see increased rates of achievement from nations and ethnic groups that reflects their percentage of circumcised men and the percentage of male circumcision for past generations.
One objection could be that male circumcision leaves out half the population--women. But it doesn't. For one, less voracious sexual appetites among men would also leave women with more time and energy to focus on concerns other than sex. Also, to the extent that patriarchal societies were guided in intellectual and economic achievement by men, because women were excluded from these activities, we would expect male circumcision to have a disproportionate overall impact on the group's achievement levels as a whole. Even in societies where women are no longer excluded, the cultural pattern would have been established long ago, when women were excluded. Thus, we see that the effects of male circumcision reaches down through the centuries. This poses challenges for other groups, who might wish to emulate the Jewish success that was caused by male circumcision. Even if these groups begin to approach the near 100% circumcision rate of Jews, it would be many generations before the groups reaped the circumcision windfall.
If you think it's a stupid theory, you're right. I don't know that it's much stupider than some of the stuff people say on the subject. Anyway, if you'd like to add to the silliness, feel free to post a comment to rebut or support the Circumcision Jewish Conspiracy Theory.
(Note: Whether this attempt at humor is in good taste or not, and whether there is anything funny here or not, is for the reader to determine, but I won't provide a forum for bigotry, and will remove comments as needed. I don't want real conspiracy theories. Just the mock ones.)